I love this song and I love it even more when played with bagpipes. I want it played at my funeral.

Goals of interpersonal effectiveness

Objectives Effectiveness

Getting your objectives or goals in a situation

• Obtaining your legitimate rights
• Getting another to do something
• Refusing an unwanted or unreasonable request
• Resolving an interpersonal conflict
• Getting your opinion or point of view taken seriously

Questions

1. What specific results or changes do I want from this interaction?
2. What do I have to do to get results? What will work?

Relationship Effectiveness

Getting or keeping a good relationship

• Acting in such a way that the other person keeps liking and respecting you
• Balancing immediate goals with the good of the long-term relationship

Questions

1. How do I want the other person to feel about me after the interaction is over?
2. What do I have to do to get (or keep) this relationship?

Self-respect Effectiveness

Keeping or improving self-respect and liking yourself

• Respecting your own values and beliefs: acting in a way that makes you feel moral
• Acting in a way that makes you feel capable and effective

Questions

1. How do I want to feel about myself after the interaction is over?
2. What do I have to do to feel that way about myself? What will work?

I’m feeling too lousy to go into discussing this and besides, I couldn’t say it any better

Situations for Interpersonal Effectiveness

Attending to Relationships

• Don’t let hurts and problems build up.
• Use relationship skills to head off problems.
• End hopeless relationships.
• Resolve conflicts before they get overwhelming.

Balancing Priorities vs. Demands

• If overwhelmed, reduce or put off low-priority demands.
• Ask others for help; say no when necessary.
• If not enough to do, try to create some structure and responsibilities; offer to do things.

Balancing the Wants-to-Shoulds

• Look at what you do because you enjoy doing it and “want” to do it; and how much you do because it has to be done and you “should” do it. Try to keep the number of each in balance, even if you have to:
• Get your opinions taken seriously.
• Get others to do things.
• Say no to unwanted requests.

Building Mastery and Self-Respect

• Interact in a way that makes you feel competent and effective, not helpless and overly dependent.
• Stand up for yourself, your beliefs and opinions, follow your own wise mind.

These are pretty self-explanatory I think. Relationship skills can be a problem for many people, Borderlines or not. I don’t know one person that couldn’t benefit from these classes I’m taking. And then I know a few that may need it worse than me For me the difficulty is more about me doubting the validity of me and my right to feel however I do. I can handle many situations just fine in areas that I don’t lack confidence in myself.